Never Try To Explain Read online

  “Don’t worry. I’m a great editor,” Della said, not committing to any action.

  Knowing she’d been betrayed by her own loose tongue, Jellica looked down at herself and plucked at her blouse. She might as well just share the rest.

  “This is not who I am. I couldn’t talk the image consultant into letting me pick my own outfit. I look much better in a sports bra and capris. This outfit is not really my style, you know? There’s absolutely nothing like it in my closet. My tastes are more… bohemian.”

  Della nodded. “I’m sorry the image consultant didn’t get it right with you. He’s usually better than that.”

  Jellica shrugged off the apology. What else could she do? It was too late to change clothes. “These are wonderful clothes, but more formal than I’m used to wearing. I mention it only because I feel the need to be honest with anyone seeing this video.”

  “Totally understandable. Let’s move on. Can you describe yourself in two words?”

  “Woo-woo,” Jellica answered instantly, “though maybe that’s technically one compound word.”

  Dell snorted. “Well, that’s clear as mud. Describe woo-woo for me.”

  Jellica grinned. “If I do, I promise you no one in your database is ever going to want to date me, Dr. Livingston.”

  “Beautiful yoga instructors should be in high demand as dates,” Della answered with a grin.

  Jellica shrugged one shoulder. “My sporadic and unfulfilling dating life has led me to believe just the opposite,” Jellica answered sincerely.

  “Let’s go back to your description of woo-woo,” Della prompted again.

  Sighing Jellica stared at the camera and the woman operating it. “It’s one of those concepts that you either get organically or you think is absolutely crazy. I’ve found it best to never try to explain myself or my beliefs.”

  Della laughed. “You’re aren’t explaining anything yet. Spill it, Jellica,” she ordered.

  Jellica conjured a smile for the camera, but could feel it wasn’t reaching her eyes. Della didn’t get it either. Jellica didn’t like labels or being defined by the critical judgments of people who didn’t know her. “My jewelry—what little I own—consists of all natural stones. I keep an amethyst cluster on my nightstand to cleanse whatever pieces I’ve worn that day.”

  Della shrugged. “What’s wrong with that?”

  “I also sage my house once a month to keep the negativity to a minimum. Teenagers go through a lot of angst and it has a tendency to fill our living space when they verbalize it.”

  Jellica waited for a reaction. When Della only lifted an eyebrow, she leaned back in the chair and crossed her arms. Fine. She could be as honest as the woman could handle.

  “I believe we are spiritual beings having a human experience—one we chose for ourselves before we were incarnated. Meditation is my preferred method of communing with the universe. It would thrill me to find a man who practices tantric sex since Sting is already taken. Wait… is that TMI for this bio?”

  “Not really,” Della replied casually, grinning down at the camera. “What’s the most important thing your perfect guy ought to know about you?”

  Jellica straightened in her chair again and looked straight into the camera. “That’s an easy question to answer. Men should know that my sons mean everything to me. Being a single mother hasn’t been easy, but it’s been worth every minute. My boys will be leaving for college in a couple of years. Until then, they will remain the sole focus of my existence. Every decision I make is about them. I’m definitely one of those women whose children will have to approve of any man I let into my life.”

  “Do your sons know you feel that way?” Della teased.

  Jellica laughed as she shook her head. “Goodness, no. They’d love nothing more than for me to find someone—mostly because their father remarried right after our divorce and started family number two. But I’ve already told my sons I wasn’t going to settle just to make them feel better about eventually leaving home. Love should never be about settling. It should be about finding someone who makes you so happy that you have to make them happy in return.”

  “I agree,” Della said. “And we’re just about done. I have one more question. What’s your most secret dream—the one you’ve never told anyone about? Give us a glimpse into the real you that you’ve had to protect until now.”

  Jellica frowned and dropped her gaze to her hands. She shook her head. No, she was not going to bare her soul for the entertainment of a bunch of males who wanted Business Barbie.

  “I can see this is a tough one for you, Jellica. Want another question?”

  Her sigh echoed through the room. Dr. Livingston obviously wasn’t going to let up until she’d drawn emotional blood. Jellica lifted her chin at the challenge. “You want my big secret? Okay. Here it is. I want it all—I want the dream. Despite how different I am as a person, I want the big house and the white picket fence just like every woman ever born.”

  Della laughed. “I hate to disagree with you, but I have to in this case. Not all women want that dream. I’m still not in any rush to marry even though I’ve definitely found the perfect man. I’m having to work my way into accepting the idea of marrying and I’m lucky Elliston is patient. Most men might think an unconventional woman like you might feel the same as me.”

  Jellica reached up to run a hand through her hair and found the stiffly sprayed waves prevented the movement. Her mouth tightened in irritation and she longed for a shower to remove the gunk.

  “I grew up taking care of my nieces and nephews, and I honestly never minded babysitting. In fact, I was one of those girls who had her wedding planned and her children all named by the time she was twelve. My problem was that I was athletic and didn’t come across to boys as the typical girly-girl longing for an MRS degree. As I got older, I soon realized I was the only person who knew my toned body hid a deeply romantic soul. Ninety percent of why I married my children’s father was probably to make that long-held dream come true.”

  “It’s not a crime to want romance and love and all the trappings. People pay good money for The Perfect Date to help them find the perfect person to give them those things.”

  Jellica nodded. “Unfortunately, when I married my ex I didn’t understand one of the most fundamental aspects of a lasting relationship. You need to be both friends and lovers and I neglected to marry a man who wanted me for me.”

  “Being over 40—do you consider yourself wiser about love now?” Della asked softly.

  Jellica shook her head. “Not really, but I’ve definitely learned that I’m better off alone than being with a man who doesn’t appreciate me. I’ve been on a dating hiatus for a good long while now. I think maybe part of me has given up on the idea that the perfect man exists. That’s a hard thing for a die-hard optimist to admit… but it’s my current truth.”

  Della pushed the button. “Okay. That’s a really good place to stop.”

  “Thank God,” Jellica said dramatically, feeling seven kinds of real relief as she released a tight breath. “After all the blackmailing she did to get me into Mariah’s database, I’m surprised Georgia Bates isn’t here to harass me.”

  “Oh, your buddy Georgia’s here,” Della said with a chuckle. “Ann and Trudy are here too. I made them all wait in the lobby. After the trouble I had making Trudy’s video, I didn’t trust them not to fluster you too much to get through it.”

  “Smart call, Dr. Livingston,” Jellica said honestly, feeling the corner of her painted mouth lift in a genuine smile finally. “They definitely would have rattled me. Harassing me is high entertainment for the three of them.”

  “Why do you let them get by with so much teasing?” Della asked.

  Jellica chuckled. “Because I know they love me and would do anything to help me. And all of them have helped me at one time or another. I’m a single mom with two teenagers. Their friendship keeps me sane and reminds me that I’m more than just someone’s mom. In return, I keep them all
in shape. Except for Georgia. She half-asses all exercise—or she used to before Brent crawled into her bed. Her best excuse these days is that their sex life makes up for the yoga classes she misses. I’ve got to say the woman has incredible legs for someone her age. She and Ann are my role models. Both of them are gorgeous.”

  “So how does Trudy fit into your friendship paradigm?” Della asked with a grin, kind of glad Chef Baker hadn’t heard she’d been exempted from being a physical role model.

  Jellica smiled wide, her eyes crinkling. “Trudy is the mother I always wished I had. She feeds me and pats my back when I’m sad… or fusses at me when she thinks I’m wrong. One day I may tell her how much she means to me. Until now, I haven’t wanted to make Trudy feel any older than she already does. There are not that many years between us—just a decade, I think. But having three older friends, I know that most women over fifty are a tad sensitive about their aging. I expect I will be too when I hit the big five-o.”

  “You’ve barely crossed the big four-o mark. I will say that your friends are fearless compared to many women who come through The Perfect Date’s doors,” Della said. “And you were pretty brave today.”

  Jellica laughed. “It’s easy to be brave when you have so few expectations. I’ve learned to be a ‘throw everything at the wall and see what sticks’ kind of gal.”

  Della narrowed her gaze. “Really? You seem pretty focused and goal-driven to me. So how much younger was the woman your husband left you to marry?”

  Startled by Della’s observation, Jellica laughed nervously and winced at being caught in a pity moment. Had she revealed the truth in the video without knowing it? She usually hid her heartache better. “Wow. Who told you the woman was younger than me?”

  Snorting, Della slid the camera’s memory card into her cardigan’s front pocket. She tucked her arm through Jellica’s to keep them on friendly terms. In her work and studies, she’d come across lots of men like Jellica’s husband. Their actions rarely were motivated by anything to do with their wives.

  She hugged Jellica’s arm as they walked. “I watched what Mariah went through with her ex-husband. It was the most painful case study of my doctoral work. From her heartache, I concluded that only a cheating SOB with entitlement issues has the power to make a woman as hot as you feel unattractive and unwanted.”

  “I hate to think of myself as being so pathetic… or at least I hate that it’s obvious,” Jellica admitted.

  “It’s not obvious in general, but it is relationship math for the trained observer. Like Mariah, you deserve to see yourself as the hot, passionate, admirable woman you really are instead of judging yourself by the warped ideas of the husband who left you. You should know right now that I’m planning to find you plenty of men who are going to make you feel worthwhile again as a woman.”

  “Do you really think I’m hot?” Jellica asked, her eyes rolling upwards at the neediness inherent in the question... and that she’d skipped right over being referred to as passionate and admirable. Maybe she hadn’t been a typical girly-girl in her youth, but she’d definitely turned into one after she turned forty.

  Della laughed and nodded. “Yes. I think you’re very hot. And so will every male that sees your picture in the database. Send me one of you in your favorite yoga pose. I’ll add that to your profile before I post it. That way you won’t have to be so self-conscious about the image you’re presenting.”

  “That sounds great,” Jellica said in relief. “At least the contrast between the profile picture and the video will keep my normal, makeup-less face from being such a shock.”

  Della giggled. “Jellica Quartz, you need to clear your calendar and get prepared.”

  “For what?” Jellica asked, knowing her calendar was already more than full.

  Della thought and then grinned. “Get ready for the magic to find you,” she answered, “dating magic. I’m going to find the perfect man for you.”

  Jellica saw that her three waiting friends had overheard Della’s promise. Their wide grins were wicked and knowing. After all, hadn’t each of them found love and romance here?

  For a brief moment, Jellica was tempted to believe Della really could make some magic happen for her. Then she remembered her refrigerator door. She’d much rather find the magic to get her sons those cars. Her love life and empty bed would just have to wait.

  She owed Mariah—and damn it, she owed freaking Georgia—to go on at least one date, but that was all.

  Then it was back to the real world and all the parenting work that came with it.

  Chapter Three

  Feeling nervous even though the torture was over, Jellica reached up and touched her stiffly sprayed hair and winced. “I look ridiculous, don’t I? Go ahead and tell me the worst.”

  “Oh, it’s worse alright. You look absolutely perfect,” Georgia said derisively, wagging her finger. “Constraint does not become you, Jellica.”

  “That bad makeup thing happened to all of us,” Ann said, lifting her water to sip. “Trudy only escaped it by doing her own.”

  “Which I detested doing because it reminded me of the past, so I suffered equally. Let’s order before they get super busy with the dinner crowd,” Trudy said, waving her hand at a waiter who nearly fell over his feet hurrying to them. “Bring us four specials, Scully. We’ll all have the vinaigrette on our salads and the shrimp with our Primavera. Tell Chef Andrew I want fresh angel hair pasta and tell Jennifer to put dinner on my tab.”

  “Yes, Chef Baker. Will you be having wine with dinner?”

  “One bottle of house white and one red. Thanks, Scully.”

  “My pleasure,” he said, smiling before heading off.

  “So where’s Jack tonight?” Georgia asked.

  “St. Christopher’s,” Trudy answered. “He cooks dinner for the boys twice a week. His oldest sister comes to help. I still haven’t met all five of them. He and his oldest sibling fight the whole time he’s cooking. It’s hysterical. She tries to boss him around and he just ignores her.”

  “Sounds like you and Jack when you were on his show,” Jellica commented.

  “Maybe it’s a Chinese thing,” Georgia declared with a grin.

  “Don’t start that ‘you people’ bigotry crap with me,” Trudy ordered, pointing a finger. “That’s my future family you’re disrespecting. You can’t keep being mad at me just because Brandon is such a sweetie of a step-child. I adore that boy.”

  “You live too much of a charmed life,” Georgia accused, crossing her arms.

  “Tough shit,” Trudy said, grinning as she leaned over the table. “Maybe you need to get Mariah and Della to work on the task of finding some perfect guy for Henna. I’m thinking Brent would gladly pay to see his grumpy daughter be with a better guy than that loser she finally divorced.”

  “Speaking of Mariah and Della,” Ann said softly, nodding with her chin across the restaurant. “They sent me out with the good-looking guy in the sweater vest over there. Greg Skyler was very sweet.”

  “Sweater vest?” Jellica said, turning her head. She made a face. “I thought those were out of style.”

  “Men’s fashion doesn’t change very often and cashmere never goes out of style,” Trudy stated.

  “I didn’t even notice the fabric. How rich is he?” Jellica asked Ann.

  “It’s not like The Perfect Date provides a complete financial profile on each guy,” Ann said quietly, then giggled. “Although Greg might have provided one if I’d asked nicely. He’s an accountant after all.”

  “A rich accountant? That means he’s good with money, right?” Jellica observed. She tilted her head and gave him a true once-over. “He’s cute enough. I’d probably sleep with him to get some good advice.”

  “Advice about what to do in the sack? Has it really been that long since you had sex?” Georgia teased.

  Jellica didn’t laugh. She was too busy thinking of ways not to reveal too much to her friends. They’d be kind and compassionate about the boys want
ing cars, but she didn’t want their pity over her lack of money. No, she had to come up with her own solution to her money problems.

  “Maybe Mr. Sweater Vest could teach me to how to be more financially stable. I need to set a better example for the boys. In a couple of years, they’ll be leaving home. It would be nice for them to see how professionals handle themselves in the real world.”

  “Tell Della to hook you up with him,” Ann said, moving back slightly to let the waiter set her salad on the table. “Actually, he’s a great guy—just a little stoic.”

  “That must be why his date looks like she’s fussing at him. She keeps leaning over the table,” Trudy said.

  Jellica shook her head. “She’s not his date… or if she is, something is wrong between them. He shows no signs of true awareness around her. He’s keeping his physical distance.”

  “Which is precisely why I chose Cal over him,” Ann whispered. “Greg was nice, but not real engaging on a physical level.”

  “The word you’re avoiding is boring. But I could handle boring,” Jellica whispered back, putting her attention on her own salad. “Maybe Mr. Sweater Vest and I could become friends and then he would let me call him with accountant type money questions.”

  Georgia laughed low. “The man’s not going to pay three thousand dollars to become your go-to accountant friend, honey. He’s going to want a little more bang for his buck—and yes, that was innuendo.”

  “Is that really what Mariah charges them for a date?” Jellica asked, her voice rising in distaste, but not over Georgia’s dirty joke. “I thought Della was joking. That’s…” The amount rendered her speechless. It was more than the repairs on her car were going to cost.

  Trudy reached over and took her arm. “A good woman is worth much more than that to the right man. Wealth is relative to the situation, Jellica. You came from money once, didn’t you?”

  “More like I came from the fast path to financial ruin,” Jellica said dryly. “My parents chose to literally drive off a cliff rather than live poor. They left me nothing but a bunch of trouble to handle. My kids make every hardship I’ve had worth it for me. I would never abandon them no matter how financially desperate I got. I would just take on more work.”